Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
