My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
