the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
