Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
