I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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