Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
