Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
