ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
