I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
