My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
