I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Congratulations! We have a period
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