Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
