The maid of honor just puked.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
