my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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