WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
