She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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