I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
