Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
