Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
