I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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