Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she looked like the before picture.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
