When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
