I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
