I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
