no, he came in my armpit
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
