Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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