My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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