you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
