Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
