You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
