party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
