I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
is this the sara with the beer cane?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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