wake up i wanna do it froggy style
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize