I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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