Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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