New low: just hacked my moms facebook
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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