I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
