who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
A+ Viking dick
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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