I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
