problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
