you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
