he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
