we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dear god my vagina.
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