From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
