I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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