Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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