i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
