Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
