He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
