My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
