im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize