apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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