It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
