Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
