Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
do herpes really smell.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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