She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
