Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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