i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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