You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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