Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
