Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
