I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
