fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
