you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
