i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
