my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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