Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
40s are totally the cure
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
