Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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