M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
