I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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