standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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