oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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