Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
