Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
