fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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